Sometimes it's about making sacrifices. Sometimes you don't have a plan and you just go with it...sometimes...you get scared & wish that you knew what was coming.
Here I am eating my Tai Pei for dinner sitting on my living room floor in our new apartment and all I can think is...I'm stuck. My sometimes have turned into even deeper questions and doubt accompanies them. I know there are some of you who are probably smirking, thinking gee we were right, why did she leave her job, she's not cut out for this...well guess what negative nancy-I am.
Im allowed to doubt, be scared & get stressed. If you lie and say you don't...your only fooling yourself. If I want to hide under my covers for a day or eat a pint of ice cream to make myself feel better-I'll do it! I'm going to continue to be transparent and honest because I WISH my mentors and photographers I looked up to had been with me.
I want to do a million things, go different places, create beauty for all to see....but sometimes it's not possible. Money is tight, so my dreams for certain things are put on hold, it doesn't mean they won't ever happen-it just means that it'll take more time than tomorrow.
But I won't fail. You won't see me give up...so if that's what your waiting for, stop reading my blog. I have a love so deep for photographing each of my couples it's crazy, I couldn't imagine my life without it. Laughing with them, crying with them and sharing such momentous moments with them means more to me than anything in this world. So no...I'm not going to let them down. I'm going to keep creating, curating and experiencing Love Stories every weekend, because I am blessed & honored to do so.
Its not always pretty and full of styled shoots. It's not an inbox full of inquiries everyday, it's not being booked up so fast your moving on to the next year. It is about hearing how much your bride & groom loves you, it's about Grandma giving you a hug because you are so sweet to her, it's about curating a story that will outlast the memory that fades with time.
The sometimes will creep in, the doubts will whisper in your ear and the fear will try to suffocate you, but I'm here to be truthful and say:
you can choose to drown and give up or you can choose to swim and survive.
Its your choice....but whatever you choose, be truthful, be honest with yourself & give yourself grace.
because sometimes....we are just human right?