I've been really quiet around here lately, a lot of you have been wondering why or maybe you just haven't noticed. Wedding season has been in full force, throw in some regular portrait sessions and taking on a small job Mondays/Friday's and you've got a recipe for a small search party to find me.
I'm the worst when it comes to listening to my own advice, especially the "Don't say yes to everything". I have literally surpassed the overcoming point and head dived into "I'm in over my head". Of course with the crazy stress comes the lovely phase of-I'm getting burnt out. Between the stress of trying to deliver galleries on time and balance the millions of things I said yes too, my migraines are in full force and I've neglected my house, my family & taking care of myself.
I'm heading to a breakdown at breakneck speed y'all.
Have you ever gotten on a merry go round and made it spin really fast then jumped off? I can tell you the outcome isn't pretty. I ended up bruised and puking faster then you can say "ouch". Well 28 weddings later (well almost because the year isn't over..) I'm feeling a little bruised and battered. This season has been a tough one, full of learning and mistakes I won't ever make again. It's also changed me, some good/some bad.
I let the bad experiences define me & the good experiences just passed me by. I let these little things that I should learn from then move on, make me want to quit.
Just because you get hurt from something doesn't mean you should just give it up. When I was younger I loved ballet, it was my life. Then I got injured and it scared me to the point of giving it up. That's what happened to me this year, I let some experiences hurt me, I let them get in my head and I wanted to give up. I hated myself and I lost my "Why". THAT was the scariest moment for me, thinking that this wasn't right for me. I LOST MYSELF.
All too often we get caught up in the pretty, we think that being wedding photographers is easy, it's fun and it makes good money. But what people don't see is the long hours, the behind the scenes work and the sometimes not so pretty moments. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my couples to pieces, but it's not an easy job....weddings are hard work and sometimes things happen you can't control-which somehow comes back as your fault.
With only a few weddings left this year I'm getting ready to go into my reflection period better known as "off season" I'm hoping during this time I can regenerate, reflect and learn from this past year. I hope to move forward smarter, refreshed and ready to tackle the next season! But I just want my fellow creatives to know:
-it's ok to doubt yourself and to feel like your not enough. I do this too!!
-don't let the bad outweigh the good. A few bad experiences should never define the good ones that remind you WHY your doing this
-quitting is an easy out, but if you keep going your stronger. Don't give up just because you think it's the best answer, if you keep trying you'll continue to grow and become a stronger person
-it's ok to cry & be overwhelmed, it means you are human.
-LOVE yourself and what you do, you are an artist and just because the white balance doesn't look right to you...doesn't mean they will notice!!!!
Its crazy how quickly things can tear you down and even crazier if it makes you want to quit something you love.
Hang in there<3