Winter...it's the slow time, the season where all you want to do is crawl into your warm bed and hybernate. It's also the most stressful time for me and I struggle with my depression the most. Yep...I just admitted it, I suffer from depression. Actually A LOT of creatives do, I just want to be open about it in hopes to encourage others that they are not alone.
Its HARD to keep a positive outlook all the time and pretend to be someone you're not on social media...it's a tiring game of acting and you know what? It's ok to be real. I don't suggest posting a full on melt down, or shaving your head like a certain pop star...but it's ok to be honest about struggling with insecurities and having a rough time, we are all human & hearing encouragement from others can help tremendously! I know having others pray about it with me makes me feel so much better!! It's OK to be somewhat transparent, not all of us have it together 24/7. The only way to break the barrier of perfect, is to be honest.
I hold myself together because falling apart isn't an option. My six year old is my anchor, find something in your life that holds you together and focus on that positive light. My daughter is my angel, she makes me laugh when I need it, hugs me when I'm down and literally keeps me (somewhat) sane. Lord knows my confidence is LOOOOOW but she does like to boost it for me by always reminding me that she's my biggest fan, that's worth more then some award to me...you can't replace hearing "When I grow up I want to be like you mommy" .
Depression doesn't make you weak, it's not a flaw...it's just something that you need to work through & getting help doesn't mean your admitting defeat. There are days that are TOUGH and I don't want to get out of bed or even talk to anyone, but I know I have to because I can't give into the darkness. I have so much to be grateful for, even when things are tough...business is slow or the bookings just dry up, I still need to count the blessings I've been given. Just this year I was so blessed to find a part time job at a lovely little boutique in town, my boss is incredibly sweet and encourages me. It's helping me get through the slow season and I'm just so thankful for it! It doesn't mean I'm not a successful small business, I just need it for a little extra umph until wedding season comes again:) Do I regret leaving my full time job? Honestly at first I did...but if I hadn't, I honestly wouldn't have 22 weddings booked for this year. It was a blessing that I couldn't see just yet...
Its ok to be scared, stressed, worried & doubt yourself. It's ok to FEEL, it's giving in, giving up and being defeated that you need to stay away from. It's hard to keep going...especially when you can't see the road ahead of you, but if you keep walking, keep pushing through the storm, I promise you it'll be worth it. Don't let the darkness surround you, don't give up. Dreams are meant to be lived...no matter how hard it is to get there, you'll get there in your own time.