This may come as a shock....but I live a double life. No not like the lifetime channel type of double life, but the I'm one person during the week and another person on the weekend type. I don't have two families-just one...so let me set that straight too!
Monday through Friday and every other Saturday I am Sarah Houston-McGuckin Financial Service Advisor II....I service customer's account, open new accounts, talk about loans, rates, savings, investing and anything else financial related & I'm pretty reserved with my clients. Then like Clark Kent on Saturday afternoon I fly out of the bank and whisk myself off to shoot a wedding all night-then I'm Sarah Houston the bubbly charismatic wedding photographer that dances with uncle Bob.
Just this past week things kind of...collided. I had the pleasure of going to Amy & Jordan's amazing two day workshop. It was one of those life changing moments...like when I discovered cookie butter for the first time. The workshop was full of such amazing info and I loved every moment of it...until I had to drive home. I had to go home each night and then drive alllll the way back early in the morning again. My daughter has to have mommy home and it makes it SO hard to go to workshops and really "enjoy" + "experience" them. Then the last day of the workshop I had to forgo the fun hangout with all my new found friends because I had to work EARLY the next morning....talk about being bummed.
So when I woke up this morning and I made the commute into work on little sleep I started thinking....it's honestly like living TWO LIVES. It's exhausting trying to keep up with it. My full time job is wonderful and I am so so grateful for the income and benefits, but I'm "someone else" when I'm there, I'm stressed-tired-exhausted and pretending to love what I do. Then when I'm shooting weddings I'm having fun, enjoying the moments and really cherishing those memories I get to be a part of. It stinks that once I finish an amazing mentor session or an awesome mind-blowing workshop-I don't get to think on them, or even let them really "sink in" because I've gotta pretend to be someone else again.
I joke and say "that art and theatre major really worked out for me" because I'm constantly putting on a show for my full time job. So when does the show come to an end? As Amy + Jordan said: when your crying on the bathroom floor. I'm not quite there yet....but it's still really really hard. I've talked a few times about balancing it all-full time job, being a mom + wife and being a wedding photographer-it's insane but totally doable. I'm not completely at the crying on the bathroom floor-praying to God like Eat.Pray.Love. I'm just coming to the intersection of "I'm exhausted" and "How much longer?"....& there's currently a traffic jam there.
So for all of you who are living double live (again not the Lifetime Channel kind....) I encourage you to start making a plan, a realistic one. Heck you can even make an Oprah dream board if you want. List the steps and goals you need to achieve to get past the intersection your in....I'm giving myself a little break and have a two year plan. Two years before I take the leap.WE can do this! no more living two lives, feeling like your drowning and wishing that you could have the luxury of investing yourself completely into your business.
For now I will continue to be "FSA Sarah" + "Photographer Sarah" because paying the bills and having health insurance is pretty important. I just need to remember: There is hope, I can do this and patience is key. In the end the reward will be worth the dual living.